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It had been around 20 years back whenever Baoli Ma hid in his room experiencing helpless and lonely to be a homosexual guy in Asia.
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hi welcome to write a top I’m Adam in today’s video I’m going to talk to you about cohesion and coherence now for those of you taking the test the IELTS TOEFL etc this is very important for you to understand because this is one of those categories that you are being scored on part of your band part of your overall score depends on your ability to have good cohesion and coherence in your writing now for those of you not taking the test but who do need to learn how to write better in English this is also very important for you cohesion and coherence is what holds your writing together what makes it easy for the reader to understand and to follow your train of thought basically okay so we’re going to start by looking at these things what is cohesion first of all cohesion is what creates unity in your writing it basically links things together within a sentence sentence to sentence and then paragraph to paragraph so basically everything has to stick together cohesion like another way of to think of cohesion is glue you take glue you stick things together and they bind and they basically work as one that is what cohesion is that is what you need to do in your writing as well coherence is a more general idea of clarity and balance basically all your ideas have to work together to create a unified whole of writing piece essay letter email report summary doesn’t matter what you’re writing all the ideas have to work together to create the big picture okay harmony flow logical progression these are all part of it basically you’re making your ideas connect without having to make the jump the reader jump from idea to idea if let’s think about a train right you have your tracks your rail tracks and if there’s a hole in the track the train derails so basically the line of thought the reader can’t follow it he or she will fall through that hole and how to climb back up and get back on the rail you don’t want this to happen you want the reader follow your train of thought from beginning to end okay now how do we do this what what do we do for cohesion what do we do for coherence before we even start on that it’s important to understand that cohesion creates coherence okay you’ll understand once we get into the tools of each one okay let’s start with cohesion okay cohesion what are the tools you’re going to use to create cohesion to basically link all your sentences all your ideas together in a way that’s easy to follow you’re going to use transition and licking linking words and phrases nevertheless or admittedly or that having said that etc so but what you’re doing is you’re connecting one idea with the next idea with this transition word or this linking word that shows the reader which way you’re going are you going in the same line of thought are you showing a contrast so you go in a different way are you reversing course are you adding are you basically showing consequence all kinds of things you’re going to be using for this conjunctions while when after even though because all of these things they add basically a relationship between one idea and the next within the sentence and even sentence to sentence okay syntax syntax is a little bit tricky this is a bit for the more advanced writers how you arrange your words will make a difference in terms of meaning sometimes but also in terms of tone in terms of the things you want to emphasize or the things you want to tone down etc how you place the words makes a difference okay you’re the prepositions you use prepositions are very good tools among which so basically you’re showing something here and then among which so inside this are more detailed things to look consider pronouns use pronouns a lot of the writers I see on these tests especially don’t use enough pronouns they repeat the item or the subject or the noun many times instead of using pronouns in their place so these are all the tools that you need to study you can go to my site right to top calm and you can see all these things individually and get example see how to use them etc now the function the function of cohesion is to make relationships evident and clear it must be very clear to the reader why you put this idea and this idea next to each other if there’s no link between them then I don’t really know why you place them together and maybe I don’t understand the second one because it has no relationship to the first one we’re going to see examples you’ll understand what I’m talking about soon enough here’s your first example while it is evident that these policies have not had the desired effect they have nevertheless led to certain unexpected positive results among these is the increase in so what are some things we’re looking at while I have a conjunction right away you know there’s going to be a contrast somewhere while it is evident that these policies have not had the desired effect so I know it’s they don’t by the way we look at it these things didn’t do what they’re meant to do with the original idea of the policy didn’t happen but we had while which means there’s a contrast coming they have nevertheless so I understand that they didn’t do what they were supposed to but they led to certain unexpected positive results so yeah they didn’t do what they were meant to but what they did do is still a good thing okay so I have a contrast and I’m focusing on the positive results among these among these results these positive results is the increase in so I took the general topic sentence they weren’t they weren’t they didn’t do what they were meant to do but they did good things among the good things they did is this one in particular and I’m going to start talking about that one in particular look at the second sentence these policies have not had the desired effect nevertheless they have led to certain unexpected positive results the meaning of the two sentences is exactly the same the tone is very different because I don’t have their conjunction at the beginning and why I don’t say it is evident basically I’m saying these policies have not had the desired effect very straightforward very flat making a statement so basically I’m focusing on the fact that they didn’t work nevertheless oh okay even though they didn’t work they did have some positive effects so I’m toning down the positive results in the first sentence I’m making the positive results more positive I’m giving the whole sentence a bit more of an optimistic feel and the second one they didn’t do what they were supposed to but they did do some good things so I’m weakening the positive results now why would this be a problem because among these is the increase in I’m going to go talk about what these positive results were so I want to make them emphasized ok I want to emphasize the positive results I don’t want to emphasize the fact that the original one the original effects that were meant did not come to pass okay I hope you can see the difference between the two sentences and this is part of syntax how you place things together the word choices you make how you construct your sentences creates tone and style and a lot of English a lot especially in writing a lot of what is written a lot of what is meant comes in the way it is written more than the words themselves the words in terms of words only in terms of grammar both are grammatically correct both basically deliver the same message the tone is very different okay now just before I go on I just want to make sure you understand while is a conjunction nevertheless is basically a linking term ER transitional means that shows concession it means yes I admit that this is true but this is also true something else the contrast and among is a preposition these is a pronoun a demonstrative pronoun make sure you understand the function of each word and what it’s meant to be doing in the sentence okay next now what I have here I have the last sentence of a paragraph and I have the first sentence of the next paragraph so thus I’m reaching a conclusion the benefits of outsourcing particular components in the manufacturing process make sense for many companies in this countries in this country on the other hand the benefits are even more pronounced when one takes into consideration dot so in a quick look does this seem okay to you does this seem correct it shouldn’t there’s a mistake here what is the mistake on the other hand this is a transitional phrase meant to show contrast means I’m going to look at the other side of this particular situation I’m talking about the benefits in the last one in the last paragraph but I’m going to be talking about benefits again especially one particular benefit in the next paragraph so I’m actually not contrasting if anything I’m adding but even more than adding I’m emphasizing one particular benefit so you could say even sorry furthermore to show addition but furthermore is also not the best option to start the next paragraph now why well in the last paragraph I had the word the benefits in the first sentence of the next paragraph I have the benefits again so there is my link okay I don’t need to have that direct transition because I already have the link the benefits of the benefits are even more pronounced so that even more this is my basically my transition my emphasizing that I’m going to be talking about benefits again and I’m going to be talking about one particular benefit that we need to take into consideration so the best sentence to fix this situation is these benefits are even more pronounced when one takes into consideration just go straight for these benefits these basically talks about the same benefits is the last sentence and we’re going to talk about one particular one so we don’t need a whole big transition word don’t force the transition words in there I know all not all of you but some of you like to memorize a few transition words and you’d like to force them into your paragraph the graters of the aisle to the TOEFL they understand what you’re doing it’s working against you not for you but in everyday life when you’re doing writing the reader will notice it too because it doesn’t need to be there if it doesn’t need to be there don’t force it into your thing into your writing okay okay let’s go on to the next example now this one I took straight out of an essay that was sent to me for assessment a student she actually writes very well her name is Nora and she wrote this essay and I took one sentence out of it because it’s a very nice sentence and I wanted to share with you to show you how a good sentence work I have to fix a couple of little things but mostly it’s the same if I had not been to the Museum of terracotta warriors or sorry let me give you a little background this essay is about should museums be closed do we still need museums considering we have the Internet and we can see everything online if I had if I had not been to the Museum of terracotta warriors in northern China I could not even imagine the visually striking scene of hundreds of sculptures standing in front of me even though I had seen its pictures on numerous occasions on the Internet so she’s obviously arguing that yes we still need museums because seeing the thing in real life is not the same as seeing it on the screen on the computer right but she starts with if I had not been so she’s creating a situation then I could not even imagine could not even imagine right because it’s so striking the reality of it but she has that very clear contrast using the conditional okay even though I had seen it so she’s emphasizing the fact that she has seen it okay but even though she has seen it on the computer it’s not the same seeing it in real life so this sentence is very cohesive and it gives a very clear understanding of why seeing something in real life and seeing it on the computer is not the same thing and that’s why we need museums to continue to exist okay so very good example there okay let’s talk about coherence now this paragraph came from an essay about whether the government should invest in public transportation okay now this was sent to me by my friend Adriano from Brazil and he was very gracious and let me use this for the lesson what I want to show you here is that although he has good ideas the coherence doesn’t really exist because he’s trying to put too many ideas into this paragraph it’s very important to remember one paragraph has one central focus and that central focus should be made very clear in the topic sentence so first let’s read the paragraph to begin with enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government especially in countries dealing with mobility issues owning a car is unaffordable for many people leading most citizens to depend daily on public transportation seemingly some governments acknowledge that if they had a good public transportation system they would be more likely to attract international investments and boost their economy altogether a good public transportation service will make people spend less money use cars less often and cause less damage to the environment by decreasing the level of pollution okay all good ideas but none of them connect one to the other okay topic sentence is about enhancing public transportation and government duty or obligation to do this next paragraph is about people owning cars and not being able to afford owning cars and depending on public transportation next one is about investment for an investment the next one after that and the economy the next one after that is about the environment so I have too many ideas and I don’t know what this paragraph is about okay so I broke it down for you a little bit more let me just move out of the way here there is a paragraph on the side topic sentence enhancing quality mandatory governments next sentence owning a car good idea but not like it’s not linked to the government’s duty I have no idea what the government has to do with people affording cars or not or depending on public transportation or not the next sentence talks about other transportation leading to a good economy okay but how how does it do this what does the government have to do with this in terms of making having an obligation to create more public transportation how will this bring in foreign investors I don’t know what’s the connection to people affording their cars I don’t know now in terms of cohesion he started a sentence with seemingly some governments acknowledged as soon as he uses the word acknowledge then the word seemingly doesn’t work seemingly means it seems that if it seems that means it appears to be but not necessarily is but if it’s acknowledged then it is the word seemingly doesn’t work here okay and it’s just basically he’s trying to force in a transition word but it doesn’t actually work and especially since it’s contradicted by the word acknowledge last sentence better public transportation people spending less healthier environment okay how did the environment get involved in all this how does the government have anything to do with the environment how does the environment connect to the economy all these things so you have all these different ideas none of them really linked together so there’s no coherence to this paragraph and in terms of the overall essay there’s still no coherence because all the ideas are too random okay now I’m going to fix this paragraph I fixed it two ways because there are two things you can do one you can keep all those separate ideas and create an umbrella topic for them and the second way is just keep one topic and elaborate on it so to begin with enhancing the quality of public transportation would lead to many benefits very general topic sentence but the focus is benefits now I can list benefits firstly on as a car sorry as owning a car is very expensive many citizens depend daily on public transportation now I need to elaborate I need to explain a little bit and an improved public transportation system would ease their burdens ease their burdens so who’s going to ease a citizen’s burden the government okay so right I’m back to the government which is the overall theme of the essay right secondly secondly a good public transportation system would be more likely to attract international visitors and boost the local economy as tourists would be more attracted to the area so yes talk about the economy but don’t talk about international investors because why would international investors care about our buses it’ll being visitors the visitors will bring money the money will help the economy so you still have the economy but it’s more realistic and I have secondly I don’t need to connect it back to the citizens who can’t afford their cars because I firstly secondly thirdly three different benefits under the umbrella topic sentence okay where we have lastly public transportation services have been proven to be a major factor in reducing the number of cars and city streets less traffic consequently so as a result of the fewer cars on the streets lowering emissions that damage the environment first benefit the people the people who live in the city will have an easier time less financial burdens secondly helps bring in tourists and helps the economy thirdly protects the environment all benefits in the topic sentence thus conclusion a modern efficient public transport a transportation system is certainly worth a government investment consideration now I’m tying the whole thing up because here are all the benefits that’s why the government should spend money on improving public transportation system because that’s the thesis of the whole essay and now you have very good coherence everything works together to create one whole clear argument for your essay but if you want or if the writer if adrionna wants to keep his original topic sentence let’s do that to begin with enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government especially in countries dealing with mobility issues okay we’ll keep that we’re going to talk about the government duty and mobility issues but now I want to stick to that idea so everything else had to get rid of now I’m going to elaborate on this one central idea as owning a car is unaffordable for many people leading many of them to depend on public transportation a government I’m going back to the government has a duty to supply its citizens with the infrastructure that will allow them to be mobile so we’re talking about mobility issues we’re talking about citizens we’re talking about government duty all still related to the topic sentence in other words now I’m going to elaborate explain a little bit differently they should not have to worry about spending two hours stuck in traffic when commuting to work or going shopping or even enjoying their free time so what happens if you don’t invest in public transportation people can’t move they’re always stuck in traffic right they can’t go to work work the cans go shopping the cat go to the theatre now in the big picture moreover so now I’m adding to this last idea increased mobility helps the economy thrive because people can get to work with more productive workers okay so the economy is good because people are working properly and busier shopping an entertainment center people can go shopping people can go to the theater spend their money help the economy everything works together thus the government needs to consider the wider implications of upgrading and maintaining an efficient public transportation system and act accordingly so because these things do help the economy they help the people the government needs to think about these things and invest in public transportation which goes back to your thesis now the next paragraph how would you begin the next paragraph after this one this is to begin with which means this is your first body paragraph now would you say that being said on the other hand furthermore with this in mind then with this in mind then etc another economic benefit of better public transportation all of these are okay but if you’re going to say that being said I’m expecting a contrast or I’m expecting some sort of situation where that’s not always true or a concession argument on the other hand you’re showing me a contrast you’re going to talk about why the government shouldn’t invest furthermore you’re giving me more reasons why the government should invest with this in mind then now you’re going to tell me more about what the government can do for example another economic benefit you’re just adding so the next transition is very important depending on what you’re going to focus on in your second body paragraph and don’t forget to connect everything back to your original thesis now I hope that was a little bit clearer and a little bit helpful I know it’s not easy it takes practice but make sure that every sentence connects to the next sentence to the next sentence to the next sentence make sure that the whole paragraph makes your argument you make your one argument very very clear and make sure that it’s very clear to the reader what that argument is in your topic sentence now if you have any question about any of this stuff please ask me here below in YouTube you can also ask me on Facebook Twitter or Instagram I hope you like this video and I hope it helped you out a little bit and subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already give me a like if you like this video and come back soon I’m going to have a new video for you soon grammar vocab writing test prep everything you need to help everything you need to do better on your test or just to write better in everyday life okay I’ll see you again soon bye bye
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